Being an Army Wife: Story of pain, struggle, scarifies

Long years back when I was staying in the separated family accommodation in Mhow, which is a small military station in MP. This was just a few months after marriage, as Deepak, had been posted to a place where I could not have joined him. This was three years before Kargil happened, and, all these three years I stayed in Mhow. Much against the wishes of all, including Deepak. For Deepak and my Dad it was concern and worry, but, for a few it was the great yug theory, which hasn't change even today,  in Kalyug, of, how can a woman be staying alone and the works.

Well, I was the only staying alone, no babies, nobody else. Working in Indore, two jobs. IIM Indore as a research associate, my college, I passed out from there, and, midway Indore Mhow, was a four-star property Hotel Mashal, I joined them in the banquets and was looking after their media and publicity.

I would leave in the morning and be back by late evening. I had a scooty, which I had bought by selling Deepaks bike, and, would travel on the same. Rains, I would park my scooty at the Mhow bus stand, and take a bus. Tedious, painful, horrible,  disheartening and, at times, felt like leaving everything and running away.

But I did not.

My house was on the ground floor and was surrounded by overgrown vegetation, which no one bothered to clean or at least proven. The only help I had was my maid. Being surrounded by almost a jungle used to scare me, I was sure, there would be some creepy animals which could slip in easily from under the door. I have always had a phobia of these kinds of creepy ones. If I see a pic of a snake in a book or a paper, I throw it away. I switch off the TV if I see a snake in a movie. Not an animal lover at all.

So, I would buy kerosene from the market, manage it somehow, and, spill, the same under all doors and in the drains. A fool that I was, thinking, kerosene will kill a snake.

Once when I did not get my stock of kerosene, I bought petrol, to use it for the same job.

Amidst all of my these whims and fantasies, I was living every day of that separation which never ended, it is still on. Only difference is that separation was physical and thereafter whenever we have stayed together, the separation is not physical, but, it is as good or bad as separation.

Deepak is made that way. His uniform holds priority over all and sundry and I have also stood by him on this. I pray and at the same seek blessings of all my readers that Deepaks hard work, honesty, and indulgence is given its due by the Gods. Do bless us, that, politics and Destiny doesn't hit, like it has 22 years now.

Every day has been a battle. I don't remember a single night in all these years when I have slept with not a care on my mind.

I am tired. Physically I smile and stand up to the call of duty, but, emotionally and spiritually i am dying. Do bless us that before the little faith left on goodness completely dies.

Anyways, let's go back to Mhow. 

It rains bad there. That year 1998, monsoons were horrible. It rained cats and dogs continuously for more than a month.

 It wasn't heavy showers always, but, drizzle was all the time.

One morning as I woke up, It had been raining the whole night, and, this once it was heavy rain, as, I opened the front door, wondering why the maid had not rung the bell, what I saw scared me to my bones. My house was like standing in the centre of a sea. And as I looked towards the neighbours, it wasn't the same. The ladies living upstairs were safe. The water level was rising, and, it was just a few meters before the water would enter my house from the front door. The backyard was safe.

The first thing I did was, ran to bring the bottle of Kerosene, and, what I did after that will put to question my degrees and education and my claim of being a brave heart.

But, I shall still pen my illogical actions. For the next few hours, till the rain stopped. I poured out kerosene in the water that was logging and rising by the minute, and, this, because of my fear that there would be snakes or some creepy animals in the water, and, they will too make their way into my house. As I look back, I see a highly educated, foolish girl, who was not ready to give up, irrespective every incident, every day, scaring me. And to add fuel to fire, Deepak would call once in three months and say only one line in the two-minute call, " I am alive, all well, don't worry, I love you, bye." 

Well after spilling all the kerosene, into the water, with the rain falling down harder, and the water levels almost had reached my door, I was lost, not knowing what to do.

Then I took a big bamboo from my backyard, and, the frightened me, with a lot of fear, and, sure to be bitten by a snake, went into the water, that,  had come till my knee.

I started digging into the water, and as I was digging I realized the drains were probably blocked. I went on digging for a while, it worked, the water level came down, but, then, how far could I have dug cluelessly.

As I saw the water level had gone down a little, I ran into the house, thankful, that, I had not encountered any creepy species.

The rain too had mellowed down. This all happened on a Sunday and early morning.

 I was tired by now, and, as I  sat on the ground in my lounge, I fell asleep.

Suddenly, the thunder woke me up, and as I opened the door, I saw it was raining bad yet again, and, it would be any moment that the water would seep into my house.

I was the only one affected as the house was in the slope. I then ran to my little temple, picked up the photo frame of Babu Sahib, my peer baba, I worship Him even today. He is not myth, but is still alive and I always have believed in Him. I held His photo close to me and came and sat on the floor close to the door. With a blank mind, very sure that the worst was about to happen, closed my eyes, and started talking to Babu Sahib begging of Him to stop the rain.

I was crying like a baby.

Suddenly after half an hour, my doorbell rang, there was an army Jawan standing outside in the rain, with water till his knees. I knew him, he was attached as buddy to the lady staying upstairs. He asked me for a bamboo, I gave him the one I had used. 

Then he disappeared, I kept standing on the door, and in a few minutes, the water level suddenly fell down. The rain was still bad, in fact getting worse, but the water changed its direction and went into the drain.

The buddy came and told me, there was a blockage somewhere, around the house, which he had cleared and true that, the water level was almost nil now.

He had a room downstairs only, and, was sleeping. Apparently, water levels were rising outside his room also, so, he decided to check and, clear the drain.

For me he was God disguised send by Babu Sahib.

It may sound very story like to you all, but, it is true.

No rocket science, a very small problem compared to the floods that wash away villages, but, for me, it was my Battle, and kind of won, with my plea to my Peer Baba.

Every day, all these years,  I am always standing with my empty hands in front of the supreme power seeking justice.

But, the price of goodness is high, and, I know this, because we as a couple have paid the price of goodness, honesty, hardwork, humility, being kind and humble leaders, everyday. And even today as I pen down, an incident which happened all those years back, revealing my stupidities, my hands remain empty.

Sometimes I feel HE can only see us,

Ritu. Deepak.  Sharvi, everyday, as he decides to send a reason for struggle, pain, agony, disbelief.

I wish HE for once doesn't see my house. I want to sleep peacefully one day, I want to laugh without worrying that my joys are momentary, I too want to rejoice, I don't want to be scared of my smiles, I want celebrations to walk in from my door.

I too want to feel peaceful with my faith restored in the reward of hardwork, and sacrifice, with no political intrusion or the hand of any Godfather on us.

This evening wasn't bad, I was blessed by a lady, who for me is like my mother and always has blessings in ample for me, then I went to the temple, and, just before I looked at the click and was about to smile, that, today might be the day , I will sleep feeling safe and blessed , there was a blast , and, there went my dream of feeling happy.

Yet another night with agony as my pillow.

But, I will battle it well, I have become a vetran at this.

My Soldier has made me a Soldier.

Kahani nahee,

Afsana nahee,

Shabdon se bun kar,

Sunayee apko hai maine,

Mere sach kee daastan ke,

Kuch guzare hue lamhe.